When the passion dies

When the love drug wears off

Love can be intoxicating, especially in the early stages of the relationship. Later, when reality kicks in and the intensity cools, it’s the perfect time to develop a deeper, more meaningful love.

When the love drug wears off
photo credit: zilverbat. via photopin cc

Human beings,” I inhale my win’s nutmeg steam, “are walking bundles of cravings. Cravings for food, water, shelter, warmth; sex and companionship; status, a tribe to belong to; kicks control, purpose; and so on, all the way down to chocolate-brown bathroom suites. Love is one to satisfy some of these cravings. But love’s not just the drug: it’s also the dealer. Love wants love in return, am I right? Like drugs, the highs look divine, and I envy the users. But when the side effects kick in – jealousy, rages, the grief, I think, Count me out. Elizabethans equated romantic love with insanity. Buddhists view it as a brat throwing a tantrum at the picnic of the calm mind.”

David Mitchell. The Bone Clocks.

‘What few people realize is that an authentic, loving, meaningful relationship typically only develops once the honeymoon phase is over (another fact the songwriters, poets, and pop stars seem oblivious to). In the honeymoon phase, it’s as if you’re on a drug that intoxicates you and plays with your senses. When you’re high on it, your partner seems wonderful. But you’re not seeing reality; you’re merely seeing a drug-induced fantasy. And only when the drug wears off do you see your partner as he really is. And you suddenly realize that the knight’s shining armor is covered in rust spots, and his white horse is really a gray donkey. Or the maiden’s pure silk dress is only cheap nylon, and her long golden locks are really a wig. Naturally this comes as a bit of a shock. But herein lies the opportunity to build an authentic intimate relationship between two people who see each other as they really are. And as this relationship develops, there will be new feelings of love—perhaps not as intense or intoxicating, but infinitely richer and more fulfilling.’

Russ Harris. ACT with Love.

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