Let go of your grudge

Compassion neutralises toxic feelings, which is why this child doesn’t hold a grudge against his mother.

‘Mommy, I have a new best friend,’ Ben said, apropos of nothing, his voice light-filled and carefree. He didn’t care he’d just been yelled at, fifteen seconds earlier. He didn’t hold a grudge against his mother.

‘That’s great! What’s his name?’

‘I don’t know.’

Of course not: little children know it doesn’t matter what you call a rose.

Chris Pavone. The Expats: A Novel

‘Does holding a grudge promote your health and wellbeing? For many people it does not, and you may begin to understand that at the very least it is more skillful to work on neutralizing these strong feelings that can be so toxic to your being. You can begin by sending compassion to yourself and then wisely reflecting upon reconciliation and considering that reconciliation is really for your benefit and not the other person’s. You may even begin to see more clearly that the causes of people’s hurting one another are fear and unawareness and that perhaps neither you nor the difficult person is “bad,” merely unaware and scared.’

Bob Stahl and Wendy Millstine. Calming the Rush of Panic: A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Guide to Freeing Yourself from Panic Attacks and Living a Vital